27th Rapecap of Events

Sometimes the best battles between decks are the battles that happen before they ever even play each other, or are even created. In the last month Paul and I have had an imaginary deck battle revolving around his deck that focuses Braids, Cabal Minion dropping on you turn 2 and then evaporating the rest of your hand while all your shit is sacked from the table. Paul was raking in the wins, and was slowly creating a powerhouse deck that no one seemed to have a viable answer for. The deck went from being called 'Dude, She's Checking You Out,' to simply 'Rape.' As Paul put it, the deck makes you feel violated and makes you do things against your will. For weeks I had threatened to make a deck that could stand up to Paul and his powerhouse deck, but sadly I did not have the card resources at my disposal to create the deck I had envisioned. Slowly, but surely, I did acquire the cards and resources I needed to make a deck that could be competitive in the vintage scene, and against a deck like 'Rape'.
So the speculation and posturing could end, and we could sit down and take the talk to the table and settle it like men.
First let's start back at the beginning of the night's battles. With Don, Snape, me, Paul, and Halo playing in the first FFA game of the night, we were ready to get the night off to a raucous start. Don brought out his G/W deck 'When Elves Attack' to compete against Snape and his mono-B 'We Are Legion' deck. Halo play his mono-U 'Golem', Paul played his U/B 'Rape' and I played my G/B 'Mace'. Paul got off to a roaring start getting Braids out turn 2. He locked everyone down expect me and my anti-rape deck. I was able to board 2 Vampire Hexmages on turn 2 and he could not stop them without chumping Braids, which he was unwilling to do. I got board presence with a Royal Assassin on turn three giving me defense, but Paul was ready to keep my hand to a minimum with Hymn of Tourach and recoils. Paul finally gave up the ghost, which broadened the game and Don and Snape gained quick board presence while I struggled to maintain hoping to keep top decking anything useful. Snape slowly built up a zombie hoard and I was never able to combo my Dark Depths out onto the field. Snape slowly overwhelmed turn by turn, and took the game in a rather lop-sided win.
While that game was finishing up, Paul and I broke off and played 'Mace' and 'Rape' against each other again, but this time in heads-up. In a strange game, neither one of us drew well, and the game went into late turns before it really got underway. Paul had out hypnotic specter and I had a Tajuru Preserver and we were trading blows, but then I drew a Go For the Throat and took out his attacker and then I got my Dark Depth and Hexmage combo to go off around turn 12, which is crazy, but it did end the game. So the first game of these two decks, that had more history to them then games, actually played out unexpectedly and not showcasing any of the decks main features. We shuffled into a second game and had yet another strange game. I was able to get Tajuru Preserver out in a pair and started picking off Paul's life. He got out another Specter and started picking off mine. Then we both had a terrible string of dead draw land for three to four turns. I boarded a Dark Depths, but had no Hexmage to combo it. Then as the game was slogging on, I realized with nine lands, and no viable options in hand I started removing counters manually from the land. It put Paul on a counter, and we both scrambled to get to our goal. Paul was looking for a bounce card, and I was looking to unlock the secrets of Dark Depths. Three turns later with Paul at 10 health and me at 6 health, I removed the last counter and unleashed Marit Lage for a second time. It was game over and 'Mace' goes 2 and 0 in its first outing. Of course, we both sat there momentarily wondering why neither one of our decks played out as we expected them to do two games running. It turns out it was a precursor of things to come, as Paul and I stank it up in the games following out heads-up match getting smacked around by Don, Chris and Snape.
Paul took his revenge in our next match where I played the U/B 'Invitation to a Decking' and Paul played his mono-W 'Fear of a White Planet'. He took me to town, and I could not draw a worthwhile hand to do much of anything. It only added insult to injury when I finally drew enough land to play a Mind Funeral and he topped four straight lands, pretty much killing the card. I took it as a sign to concede the game then and there.
Meanwhile Don, with his mono-R 'You Gotta Have Waaaaaaahg' (unsure exactly how many A's are in the name exactly), was showing Halo and the 'Golem' deck, Snape and his mono-B 'Deep 6', and Chris and his U/W 'I Fly?' how a FFA game is played. I periodically checked out the board of their FFA game only to see a lot of goblins with counters on them and a Sword of Feast and Famine. I watched as the rest of the players struggled to shore up defenses, and could not mount a solid offense against the goblin onslaught(er). Don took the game, even if he did forget to equip the sword two turns running.
Before the end of the FFA game, Paul and I started a third match heads-up. I played a new R/G deck 'United by Boom,' which was inspired by Paul's land hate deck. Paul played his R/W goblin deck 'Ball Milk.' Genesis Wave proved invaluable as I picked up a win in the first game. Paul came back as was able to overwhelm me in the second game, keeping the pressure on which became too much. The third came was close, with Paul getting me down in life further and further as the game wore on. I chump blocked many times, and had to rely on a little help from his Goblin Guide. The guide spilled land into my hand and then onto the field. Then with a little desperation I tapped out for nine including my blockers my Overgrown Battlement and Harabaz Druid to play a Genesis Wave for 6 on X. I drew well. Four allies hit the table as well as another battlement and a land. I had 2 liquimetal coatings out and quickly gave Paul two artifacts while each ally could destroy an artifact because of the Scappers. Three scappers came into play causing exponential damage from the destroyed artifacts killing Paul instantly. It was rather epic.
Snape took another FFA game with his mono-B 'IDK' facing off against my U/B Tezz deck 'The Crafter', Don's Mimic Vat deck 'When Elves Attack' and Chris's 'I Fly?' Snape was tearing up the competition in multiplayer.
Don played Paul in some hot goblin on goblin action. Don was bring it agains Paul with upwards of six creatures coming at Paul, but Paul had a Transcendent Master out who was lifelinking his way to victory. The two games played out nearly identical with Paul taking some initial hurt from Don's quickness, but then Transcendent Master coming out and ruining the goblin party. Both games the Master saved the game for Paul and gave him the match over Don.
Snape and Chris matched up with Snape playing the mono-B 'IDK' and Chris playing his mono-R 'FACE DESTROYER!!!' (and yes, I've been told to type it out that way). Chris took both games keep Snape on his toes with a steady life loss from each move Chris made.
I played Paul (finally) against his mysterious new deck that he built and that he refused to play against anything other than my Tezzeret deck. I was suspicious, and wary, but finally gave into it. The deck was annoying and had my number to be sure, but I squeezed out a victory from a mistake on Paul's part at the end of the game one. The deck was a mono-W deck with nothing but Diving Offering, Revoke existence, Relic Hoarders and Kor Sanctifiers. It does nothing but destroy artifacts, and then for good measure he also added Celestial Purge to combat both my Tezzeret and Grave Titan. All in all it was a good deck to play, but only against this one deck of mine. I managed the one victory, and was on the verge of being able to win the other two we played, but I could not keep up with the sheer amount of hate cards that existed in his main board for the deck, that no other person would purposely put in a main board as they are too limited. Seriously. Who mainboard Celestial Purge? What if you play a white or green deck? That's a dead draw. To Paul's credit the deck did exactly what he wanted it to do, taking the match 2-1 and pissing me off in the process. As if my luck needed a nudge in the wrong direction. Paul and I both struggled after that.
Paul played Snape with his R/G/B deck 'Rotten Leftovers' and got swept two matches in a row and going 0-4. Snape was playing his mono-B Vampire deck 'Sundowners' and was able to keep Paul off balance with the relentless onslaught of the vampires and Paul's favorite card in standard Gatekeeper of Malakir.
Meanwhile I was playing Chris with 'The Crafter' and doing horribly. I was able to win the first game because I drew Grave Titan in a timely manner before I was pinged to death by lightning bolts and various other direct damage sources. The second game I was completely land flooded totalling 13 land by the end of the game, meaning I had 13 turns to draw at least one useful card but could not, while Chris slowly pinged me to death. The match was at 1-1, and I started the third game well and had a Grave Titan on turn 5. I was just getting ready to wreck with it when Chris promptly pyroclasmed the board and then burst lightninged twice on my titan. I felt okay considering the resources that were spent to make that move, but I could not draw anything after that but land and Chris stayed in the game and pinged me to death for the second time in a row.
The night ended with some 3-way FFA action where I spent all my time mana hosed or mana flooded with no board presence in 75% of the games. I went 0-3 in the games and managed to play 1 baneslayer angel in three games, and 1 sun titan both of which were killed and put on someone else's mimic vat. Paul won two of the games in rather lop sided wins, and Snape crushed Paul in the other after I conceded so I could browse the internet and pass the time until we could start a new game.

Snape ended the night nearly falling on his face again tumbling over a chair and bouncing off a wall, staggering back and forth and nearly smashing his face in a wall before catching himself on it.

Another classic Monday night. If you were not there, you should have been. If you were there, you know why it was good.